How to take a good picture from your new puppy:
1.) Place the film in the camera
2.) Take the wrapping paper out of the puppy’s mouth and throw it in the garbage.
3.) Take the puppy out of the garbage bin and clean off the coffee grind
4.) Choose the location and background
5.) Mount the camera on a tripod
6.) Try to find your puppy and put the diry sock back in the laundry basket
7.) Put the puppy on the perfect place in font of the perfect background you have chosen earlier
8.) Forget about it, get down on your knees and try to retrieve the puppy from underneath the couch
9.) Load the camera again - with one hand - and try to bribe the puppy by holding a peanut butter treat in the other one
10.) Get a Kleenex and remove the peanut butter from the lense
11.) Get rid of the cat and treat the scratches on puppy’s nose with ointment
12.) Put the magazines back on the table
13.) Try to teach the puppy to look interested by holding a squeaky toy above your head
14.) Get the spare eye glasses and trow the damaged ones in the trash
15.) Run towards the puppy and drag him outside, telling him “no peeing in the living room!”
16.) Call your husband to help you clean up
17.) Put the puppy in the crate
18.) Mix yourself a double Martini, take a seat in your favorite reclyiner and decide to start in the early morning to teach puppy the commands “sit” and “stay”.
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!
– Steve Bluestone
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
–Lewis Grizzard
There are three faithful friends–an old wife, an old dog and ready money.
–Ben Franklin.
The other day I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One of them says to the other, “How do you like that? Pay toilets!”
–Dave Starr
They say the dog is man’s best friend. I don’t believe that. How many of your friends have you neutered?
–Larry Reeb
He that lieth down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.
–Ben Franklin
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
–Mark Twain
I have a great dog. She’s half Lab, half pit bull. A good combination. Sure, she might bite off my leg, but she’ll bring it back to me.
–Jimi Celeste
Don’t make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans, or they’ll treat you like dogs.
–Martha Scott
I’ve been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
–Wendy Liebman
My advice to any diplomat who wants to have good press is to have two or three kids and a dog.
–Carl Rowan
I bought my grandmother a Seeing Eye dog. But he’s a little sadistic. He does impressions of cars screeching to a halt.
–Larry Amoros
I like driving around with my two dogs, especially on the freeways. I make them wear little hats so I can use the car-pool lanes.
–Monica Piper
Keep running after a dog and he will never bite you.
–Francois Rabelais 1495-1583 French Humorist.
